The Way You Make Me Feel

As I am taking off my make up, I look into the mirror and stare at my self. I realize how beautiful I really am. This is the first time I have felt this way, without the influence of someone else telling me how pretty I look. I look at the half of my face with the make up, and the other half without. Both look pretty good. This new found  confidence that I have in myself, is tainted  by the thought of the rest of me.

In the last couple of months I have lost 25 lbs, I have changed my eating habits, and I have been working out more frequently. I feel good about myself, and what I have accomplished thus far, but I know I still have a long way to go until I am in the healthy zone. As continue on this journey I find my self emotionally all over the place. Some days I feel sexy, others, not so much. It amazes me how much others influence our own thoughts about ourselves. I do not care what anyone says, you are influenced by the feelings of others around you.

I remember watching Katt Williams' stand up, "The Pimp Chronicles" where he asks, " How can I f*&# up the way YOU feel about YOU? It's called self-esteem!"  Men everywhere were quoting this on social networks, to their friends, and more importantly their girlfriends. Thinking about it at the time I was on the bandwagon screeming, "Yeah Katt, you right!" Especially after a guy I was dating at the time, continuously told me how I shouldn't let others thoughts about me affect me. Easier said than done.

But now as I look back on my own experiences, I realize that this isn't such a true statement at all. It is easy to say that you shouldn't care about what others think, but is it even healthy to follow that rule? Since I am a teacher, I constantly see children get their feelings hurt by the words of others. Words do hurt. They are seeking the approval of their peers, their parents, and adults that surround them. Really we are no different then these 8 year olds. We are constantly seeking the approval of our peers, our bosses, and most importantly, the opposite sex.

We spend most of our lives finding ways to find the perfect mate. Men go to the gym, try have great careers, spend money on dinners, shoes, and fancy clothes, all for the approval of women. I could list all of the things that women do, but we all know how that will end. My point is, we were created to mate with the opposite sex, fall in love, make babies, and create a life with someone else. So hell yeah the opinion of your potential husband or wife matters.

I am currently dating a very opinionated person. He is never quick to bite his tongue, and tells me pretty much everything that he thinks is wrong about me. Now when we dated a few years ago, I was too immature to handle the things that he was saying to me. I thought that he was just trying to find ways to piss me off, put me down, and make himself feel better, but now I realize that it is much different than that. A few months ago he confessed to me that the reason that he critiques me is because he loves me so much that he wants me to be the best me. He told me that he knew how amazing I was and all the potential that I had, and he wanted everyone else to see in me what he sees in me.

At that moment, I knew that I wanted to marry this man. It is difficult to take critism from others, because most of us are our own worst critics, so to even think about someone else feeling negatively about anything that we do, or even what we look like is somewhat terrifying.

When people comment on my personality, honestly I do not care. I love the way that I am, plus it is easy to tone down my brashness or say what people want to hear. But when someone comments on your appearance, the way you look, it hurts. It hurts because most of us cannot change those things, and those of us that can, become addicted to working out, plastic surgery, etc. When do we draw the line? When do you stop caring just enough to maintain your own self esteem? I can truthfully say that I think I am a 10; a beautiful woman, extremely intelligent, personalable, funny with a tender heart, but when I walk into a bar and men seem to miss all of those qualities, and focus on the fact that I have no waist, it makes it difficult to stay positive about everything else that I do have. I know that I am not the only person that deals with battle. I wish I had some magical way to forget it all, but its not that simple.

All people want to feel loved. We want to feel beautiful, not only to ourselves, but also to someone else. Some people make us feel that way through their actions. Maybe they have a strong physical attraction that exudes from them, or they continuously show affection. Others display it through their words. They tell you they love you, write you letters, poems, and express how they feel.

But what if you aren't receiving either? How is your self-esteem? Just something to ponder.