Last night my roommate jumped on my scale and decided that she wanted to lose some weight too. Usually I get annoyed when "smaller" girls complain about their weight, but I knew her request was legit so I agreed. We decided to be accountability buddies and create a workout calendar and goal sheet for ten weeks. We are going to break down our total goal into small weekly goals. We will weigh in every Tuesday, then record the amount lost. My goal was much higher, since my overall goal is to lose 65 pounds. I have quickly learned that if you mention your weight loss goal to others, they look at you like you are crazy. But to much of your surprise, I am a lot heavier than I may appear. My goal weight is not skinny, but healthy and I know that it will be best for me.
Our charts and calendars are supposed to be for accountability and motivation, but of course my competitive spirit wants to turn it into a competition. Nothing is more satisfying than winning, knowing that you completely out did, out worked, and demolished the competition.
I plan to lose about 2.5 to 3 lbs a week. When you are creating goals it is important to make sure that they are measurable, ambitious, and attainable, and timely. This goes for any goal, not just weight loss, I am glad to say that mine are all of the above. We decided to create a 10 week plan, 26 lbs is my goal. The bigger you are the quicker they drop, so hopefully they fall fast!
I was reassured by my goals when I sat across from a woman at my training today that was talking about her high blood pressure medicine. Although my health at this point is fine ( and probably much better than some of my skinnier friends) she was not that much bigger than me. It is somewhat of a reality check when you see the damage that food can do to your body. There was also irony in the story that we were reading during this discussion about a woman who killed both of her husbands by feeding them to death. Scary, I know!
I am starting to see results already. I know that other people probably do not notice, but for the last year, you could say that I did a whole lot more eating than exercise, and I lost all of my tone and muscles. After a few kickboxing classes I can see the definition coming back. Although my body fails me a lot, I am lucky to have more testosterone than the average female, given my low register voice, competitiveness, and other things that will be kept private, but besides that it also gives me the ability to increase muscle mass much more easily. I have to be careful not to bulk up, but it only takes a few weeks to get my arms back looking right.
I am so excited about my new body, and hopefully the new attitude that comes along with it! Now its off to kickboxing.
Kick some ass this week,
Tiffany
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Fat is Funny
This past weekend I was with my best friends and we were hanging out with some guys after we had went out. They didn't know us that well, but after a few minutes ( and a few drinks) we all seemed to hit it off. We started talking about music, sports, relationships and everything. Since my friends were just visiting, both of the guys were interested in hanging out in the future. Don't get too excited, remember what I said about being a guy's girl? Well this is just another example. They were impressed by my knowledge of sports, interest in hip-hop, and frequent sarcasm. We all exchanged numbers, and I expect that these two will be some of my new guy friends in Atlanta. The next day I was told by one of the two that I was hilarious. Now this is something that I get quite often, but it made me think. Am I that funny? And if so, why?
Think about your favorite comedians, male or female. I can bet that they are either, fat, funny-looking, or short. Bernie Mac had a lazy eye, Richard Pryor, well... wasn't Denzel, and Kevin Hart is bite-size. This isn't some type of coincidence that the funniest people suffer from socially unacceptable features.
Fat, short, and funny-looking people have spent their lives trying to avoid public humiliation. It starts when we are in elementary school. I clearly remember the names that I was called, and the jokes that were said when I was younger, and these memories become even more vivid when I go to work everyday. I teach 8 year olds, and to say the least, they are vicious. I am sure psychologists will say that it is some part of human nature, but none the less it is sad.
Those of us who were "different" growing up have spent most of our time finding ways to avoid the shots that are fired. The best way to accomplish this task? Make fun of yourself! That way you say something everyone was already thinking before you get hurt by their words. There have been too many times where I have made jokes about my weight in order to make people feel comfortable about the situation that we were in, or to avoid someone else from doing it first. I have to say, this is a terrible trait. But rather than digging into the human brain, I would like to pose a question.
Yes, Fat is funny, but is it attractive?
When you ask a woman to list the qualities that she is looking for in a future man/husband, along her long list you will find "he needs to make me laugh". Now, when this same question is posed to a male, not only will you get a much shorter list, if a list at all, but funny is usually not included.
I have been called funny a few million times in my life, but I can count the number of times I have been called attractive on two hands. This could be because I really am not that attractive, something which I refuse to believe, or because that is not something that a man finds a want in a relationship. I find that men are always looking for women that have a sense of humor, and many of you may think that means funny, but in guy language it means don't get too sensitive when I make jokes about you, and when I do tell jokes, please laugh. Men are always looking for an ego boost, especially from their girl.
The more that I think about it, the less I think that a man actually wants a funny girl. Women with wit, are more than likely going to be intelligent. Hey, its not easy coming up with fast jokes. Anything that can damage a man's ego is usually a no-no. This is something that I have personally struggled with in the past year. I am so conditioned to defend myself, that it is nature for me to attack someone with my oh-so-harmless jokes. What I have found is that men don't really like to have someone that can challenge them, especially a women. It takes away from that whole alpha dog persona. It never occurred to me until recently that this was a problem, and now that I am meeting new people I sense a difference, and most men do not appreciate my humor.
Ironically this post really isn't that funny, but more of something that has been on my mind.
Should a woman tone herself down in order to find a mate? Do we need to be tamed?
I do not have the answers to these questions since I am still trying to find myself. I still need to figure out what I need to do in life before I dive head first into this relationship world. My opinion right now is that I am too old to try and change my personality, but who knows what the future will bring.
Think about your favorite comedians, male or female. I can bet that they are either, fat, funny-looking, or short. Bernie Mac had a lazy eye, Richard Pryor, well... wasn't Denzel, and Kevin Hart is bite-size. This isn't some type of coincidence that the funniest people suffer from socially unacceptable features.
Fat, short, and funny-looking people have spent their lives trying to avoid public humiliation. It starts when we are in elementary school. I clearly remember the names that I was called, and the jokes that were said when I was younger, and these memories become even more vivid when I go to work everyday. I teach 8 year olds, and to say the least, they are vicious. I am sure psychologists will say that it is some part of human nature, but none the less it is sad.
Those of us who were "different" growing up have spent most of our time finding ways to avoid the shots that are fired. The best way to accomplish this task? Make fun of yourself! That way you say something everyone was already thinking before you get hurt by their words. There have been too many times where I have made jokes about my weight in order to make people feel comfortable about the situation that we were in, or to avoid someone else from doing it first. I have to say, this is a terrible trait. But rather than digging into the human brain, I would like to pose a question.
Yes, Fat is funny, but is it attractive?
When you ask a woman to list the qualities that she is looking for in a future man/husband, along her long list you will find "he needs to make me laugh". Now, when this same question is posed to a male, not only will you get a much shorter list, if a list at all, but funny is usually not included.
I have been called funny a few million times in my life, but I can count the number of times I have been called attractive on two hands. This could be because I really am not that attractive, something which I refuse to believe, or because that is not something that a man finds a want in a relationship. I find that men are always looking for women that have a sense of humor, and many of you may think that means funny, but in guy language it means don't get too sensitive when I make jokes about you, and when I do tell jokes, please laugh. Men are always looking for an ego boost, especially from their girl.
The more that I think about it, the less I think that a man actually wants a funny girl. Women with wit, are more than likely going to be intelligent. Hey, its not easy coming up with fast jokes. Anything that can damage a man's ego is usually a no-no. This is something that I have personally struggled with in the past year. I am so conditioned to defend myself, that it is nature for me to attack someone with my oh-so-harmless jokes. What I have found is that men don't really like to have someone that can challenge them, especially a women. It takes away from that whole alpha dog persona. It never occurred to me until recently that this was a problem, and now that I am meeting new people I sense a difference, and most men do not appreciate my humor.
Ironically this post really isn't that funny, but more of something that has been on my mind.
Should a woman tone herself down in order to find a mate? Do we need to be tamed?
I do not have the answers to these questions since I am still trying to find myself. I still need to figure out what I need to do in life before I dive head first into this relationship world. My opinion right now is that I am too old to try and change my personality, but who knows what the future will bring.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I KICK ASS!
Left jab, cross, hook, cross, jab, round house, left kick, jab, hook, cross... this was the first combination that I was given in my "beginner ready" kickboxing class. Luckily I am familiar with boxing jargon, but wasn't expecting to be thrown in the middle of a mat, with my gloves on for the first time, kicking the hell out of a 100 lb bag. I have to say, that I fell in love today. It was the most difficult workout that I have had since I played high school basketball, and even though I was sweating profusely and dying out there with the other people that clearly have been to a few more classes than myself, I enjoyed every moment of it. If you have ever been a serious athlete, you understand the bittersweet feelings that you have for soreness in the morning, and the aching from a great workout. There is nothing else like it! Exercising gives your endorphins, and after I work out, even if I am dead tires, I always feel an extraordinary high. The upside to my new workout is the calories that I burn. Kickboxing burns between 800-1000 calories and hour, and since I am on the heavier side, I will probably be burning more like 1000 +. I was motivated in the class for two reasons: one, my instructor wasn't bad on the eyes. He wasn't really my type, but definitely good looking, and I just felt like a loser every time I wanted to take a breath when he was watching me. If he was ugly or fat, I wouldn't have cared a bit, but as the sweat was dripping down my forehead I kept thinking about what he thought of me as I was trying to round house my bag. Two, punching a 100 lb bag is very therapeutic. I had PLENTY of inspiration from my bitter past that allowed me to want to knock the head off of some six-something, dark-chocolate, asshole ( a combination of all my exes). If you are super stressed out, just got dumped, played, or all of the above, I do suggest taking a kick-boxing class, you will not regret it!
I have already dropped a few lbs in this last week just with diet alone. I always eat better when I am on a schedule. Working full-time, especially as a teacher, doesn't allow me to snack at all. In the evening, I have even been busy, so I eat grilled chicken, spinach, asparagus, etc. and that is it. I am loving my new environment, job, and hopefully soon, body. I promised myself that when I moved down here to Atlanta, that I would really reevaluate my life and really make major changes that were in my favor. I am so used to changing for the benefit of others, which leaves me with a sense of false fulfillment and in return leaves me cold and empty inside. I have plenty of time to think about me, about who I am, what I want, and what I can do to make me happy, that I am finally ready to take some new steps. The weight-loss is just one small step forward in the new life that I plan to make for myself. I am ready to "kick" out all my bad habits and finally make me happy. As much as I talk about how much weight affects my daily life, and I won't lie it really is a factor, it is not the reason that I feel a certain way about myself, and because of that, I cannot wait until the weight is gone in order to make changes, because my life is much more that my fat.
I have already dropped a few lbs in this last week just with diet alone. I always eat better when I am on a schedule. Working full-time, especially as a teacher, doesn't allow me to snack at all. In the evening, I have even been busy, so I eat grilled chicken, spinach, asparagus, etc. and that is it. I am loving my new environment, job, and hopefully soon, body. I promised myself that when I moved down here to Atlanta, that I would really reevaluate my life and really make major changes that were in my favor. I am so used to changing for the benefit of others, which leaves me with a sense of false fulfillment and in return leaves me cold and empty inside. I have plenty of time to think about me, about who I am, what I want, and what I can do to make me happy, that I am finally ready to take some new steps. The weight-loss is just one small step forward in the new life that I plan to make for myself. I am ready to "kick" out all my bad habits and finally make me happy. As much as I talk about how much weight affects my daily life, and I won't lie it really is a factor, it is not the reason that I feel a certain way about myself, and because of that, I cannot wait until the weight is gone in order to make changes, because my life is much more that my fat.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Fat and the Family
For the past two months I have been in Atlanta training for my new job. I found that the first week I was getting fed small salads, grilled chicken and rice everyday WITHOUT seconds! I was walking up and down hills on campus in the Georgia sun, and I had to have lost 5 lbs. But quickly that ended, as my schedule was packed and I was working 12 hour days and eating dining hall food. Not to mention that dining hall food at Georgia Tech includes honey biscuits, cheesy grits, sausage and gravy, fried okra, collard greens, fried green tomatoes... I could go on. I love southern food, which is going to be something that I will have to overcome as I make my new life in this great city.
Today I decided that I needed to get my life back together. I suggested that my brother play basketball with me today for my exercise. Surprisingly he said yes. We played three games, I was up in the first two by 3 or 4 pts and he hit the threes on me (which I didn't know existed in our driveway) and won. It was only 95 degrees outside, and the last time I played basketball one-on-one was 5 years ago. Getting beat by my 17 year old varsity ball playing brother wasn't so bad, it didn't hurt my pride, but surely hurt my body. My goal is to get in shape, come back home and kick his ass... I hate losing.
Its funny how people always look surprised when I tell them that I used to play basketball. Then when I tell them that I was good, they give me that yea-sure-you-were-in-your-mind kind of look. When this happens I have to go into explaining how I averaged double digits in points and rebounds, and how I hold the bench press and squat weight lifting records, and how I was recruited by several schools to play in college, and I eventually feel like I am begging people to believe that I was actually a good athlete. This desperation is ridiculous, but my pride is like that of 20-something year old man, and I hate when people doubt me.
I have learned that my guise has been the main cause for doubt in my short lived life.This has caused much frustration for me. I understand that everyone is so concerned with my health, but please allow me to deal with my own personal issues. It is bad enough that my mom mentions my weight every five minutes, and tries to nonchalantly talk about food and exercise, but I don't need anyone else to do it too.
Some of my family is going to get together to celebrate my grandmother's 90th Birthday. I was relieved when I had to attend a wedding out-of-state that weekend for one of my closest friends, not because I don't enjoy spending time with family, but for some reason they tend to forget about my college degree, new job, and big move, and only focus on the fact that I gained weight. Remember when I said when you are fat no exercise looks good, I guess this can also be applied to any accomplishment.
One of my aunts, whom I think is my God-mother, sad I know, badgers me beyond belief. After my major weight-loss in high school I went to Cancun, Mexico for spring break. My aunt picked me up from the airport and was ecstatic by my look svelte body and golden tan. Almost a year later, my favorite uncle died and we were all gathered for the funeral. One of my aunts had made a comment about how beautiful I was when suddenly the other interupted with a "No No No! She was so beautiful when I picked her up from the airport not that long ago." At that moment I realized that my own family ignored the beauty that I thought that I possessed on the inside and outside. It doesn't matter that I was on the dean's list in college every semester, that I graduated with honors, that only 20% of applicants make it into Teach for America and I happened to make it in, or that I secretly have an elaborate plan in effect to take over the world. What people see on the outside trumps the what is resonating on the inside and it saddens me. As much as I want to lose weight for my own personal reasons, including health and self-esteem, sometimes I just want to jump off of the deep end and tell everyone to eat a donut because I am staying fat and fabulous! And I might throw a few F-bombs in there.
The truth of the matter is, I won't do that. What other people think isn't supposed to matter right? But it does, it matters a lot, and most of the time we sit there and sulk about what others think about us, and we allow ourselves to determine our own self worth based on the opinions of people that are important in our life. The more important they are, family, significant others, and parents, the more it hurts, and the more difficult it is to say, "f@#$ what you have to say about me, because I am me, and I am amazing!". But this is what we need to do, because honestly no one knows what is best for you besides you and God. No matter how great your mother or father is, when you are an adult, there opinion of you matters less. This is something that I am currently working on. I have people in my life that I hold so high, so what they say to me is important, but everyone doesn't have the best intentions, and as much as I hate to think about it, its the truth.
As I continue on this journey to my ultimate goal, I have to continuously remind myself of the great things that I do and have done. It is easy for me to focus on my fat and forget about everything else that is going on in my life, but the reality is that there is so much more to me than my size, and when I am able to truly and honestly believe that, it will be easier to shed the pounds.
Until then....
Keep it truckin!
Tiffany
Today I decided that I needed to get my life back together. I suggested that my brother play basketball with me today for my exercise. Surprisingly he said yes. We played three games, I was up in the first two by 3 or 4 pts and he hit the threes on me (which I didn't know existed in our driveway) and won. It was only 95 degrees outside, and the last time I played basketball one-on-one was 5 years ago. Getting beat by my 17 year old varsity ball playing brother wasn't so bad, it didn't hurt my pride, but surely hurt my body. My goal is to get in shape, come back home and kick his ass... I hate losing.
Its funny how people always look surprised when I tell them that I used to play basketball. Then when I tell them that I was good, they give me that yea-sure-you-were-in-your-mind kind of look. When this happens I have to go into explaining how I averaged double digits in points and rebounds, and how I hold the bench press and squat weight lifting records, and how I was recruited by several schools to play in college, and I eventually feel like I am begging people to believe that I was actually a good athlete. This desperation is ridiculous, but my pride is like that of 20-something year old man, and I hate when people doubt me.
I have learned that my guise has been the main cause for doubt in my short lived life.This has caused much frustration for me. I understand that everyone is so concerned with my health, but please allow me to deal with my own personal issues. It is bad enough that my mom mentions my weight every five minutes, and tries to nonchalantly talk about food and exercise, but I don't need anyone else to do it too.
Some of my family is going to get together to celebrate my grandmother's 90th Birthday. I was relieved when I had to attend a wedding out-of-state that weekend for one of my closest friends, not because I don't enjoy spending time with family, but for some reason they tend to forget about my college degree, new job, and big move, and only focus on the fact that I gained weight. Remember when I said when you are fat no exercise looks good, I guess this can also be applied to any accomplishment.
One of my aunts, whom I think is my God-mother, sad I know, badgers me beyond belief. After my major weight-loss in high school I went to Cancun, Mexico for spring break. My aunt picked me up from the airport and was ecstatic by my look svelte body and golden tan. Almost a year later, my favorite uncle died and we were all gathered for the funeral. One of my aunts had made a comment about how beautiful I was when suddenly the other interupted with a "No No No! She was so beautiful when I picked her up from the airport not that long ago." At that moment I realized that my own family ignored the beauty that I thought that I possessed on the inside and outside. It doesn't matter that I was on the dean's list in college every semester, that I graduated with honors, that only 20% of applicants make it into Teach for America and I happened to make it in, or that I secretly have an elaborate plan in effect to take over the world. What people see on the outside trumps the what is resonating on the inside and it saddens me. As much as I want to lose weight for my own personal reasons, including health and self-esteem, sometimes I just want to jump off of the deep end and tell everyone to eat a donut because I am staying fat and fabulous! And I might throw a few F-bombs in there.
The truth of the matter is, I won't do that. What other people think isn't supposed to matter right? But it does, it matters a lot, and most of the time we sit there and sulk about what others think about us, and we allow ourselves to determine our own self worth based on the opinions of people that are important in our life. The more important they are, family, significant others, and parents, the more it hurts, and the more difficult it is to say, "f@#$ what you have to say about me, because I am me, and I am amazing!". But this is what we need to do, because honestly no one knows what is best for you besides you and God. No matter how great your mother or father is, when you are an adult, there opinion of you matters less. This is something that I am currently working on. I have people in my life that I hold so high, so what they say to me is important, but everyone doesn't have the best intentions, and as much as I hate to think about it, its the truth.
As I continue on this journey to my ultimate goal, I have to continuously remind myself of the great things that I do and have done. It is easy for me to focus on my fat and forget about everything else that is going on in my life, but the reality is that there is so much more to me than my size, and when I am able to truly and honestly believe that, it will be easier to shed the pounds.
Until then....
Keep it truckin!
Tiffany
Friday, May 21, 2010
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
I touched on my matchmaking skills earlier, but I did not go in depth in the extent of what I have actually done. Matchmakers are funny people. Most of us usually fail at our own relationships, and are terribly bad at finding worthy partners, but for some reason, it is so easy for me to connections between other people. In high school I used to set up all of my friends. I was pretty good because I wasn't setting up my girl friends with random men that I met at a bar, but with my guy friends. Men, or shall I say boys, that I knew inside and out. Many of them had expressed some type of interest, and I was able to see which one of my friends they would like. Given, I did have a 99% rate, and some of the relationships, although it was only high school, lasted years. I wish I was getting paid back then to do it. When I went to college I vowed to myself that I would give it up, and spend time looking for my own significant other, but once again, like any bad habit I continued to do my good deeds.
Many of you may be wondering how this has anything to do with being fat, and trust me it does. Because I was unable to hold a successful relationship, mostly due to the fact that boys weren't interested in me, I chose to live my life through the relationships of my friends. I don't want to sound like some sick stalker, because it was not some creepy pleasure, but more of a subconscious addiction. If I can't be happy, someone else will be. This thought goes beyond the simplicity of matchmaking and occurs in the way that I treat people. You will find that many people that suffer with obesity, find pleasure in care giving. It is the reassurance that people like you, accept you, and even love, although they may not. I have found my self in several relationships where I was literally taking care of, paying for, and doing everything in my power to make my partner happy. I used to say "making you happy makes me happy". Many people may use this phrase, but I lived by it. Matchmaking for me is the same concept. I know that I can't be with the tall, dark, gorgeous man across the room, so I will introduce him to my beautiful friend, instead of introducing myself and risking getting rejection.
Most people are scared of rejection, if not all, but it consumes those who already have low self-esteem and image issues. My addiction does not always allow me to think clearly, and any of my friends will tell you that I am loyal, caring, and loving ( for the most part) but what they do not know, is that deeply, I wish that someone would care for me in the same way. But it is impossible to live up to the standards of myself since I am willing to do anything for a person that I love.
I have been asked by more than one of my male friends to cook dinners for their girlfriends while they surprised them with romantic evenings filled with candles, flowers, and R & B music. Of course I say yes as I slave away in the kitchen preparing a meal as if I am Aunt Jemima feeding her master. I have shopped for their girlfriends birthday presents, and planned romantic evenings. Again, I should be getting paid for this, but I do it out the kindness of my heart, while I die on the inside hoping that good karma will come my way and repay me with the same. Sometimes we need to create our own karma.
I need to start taking care of myself, putting myself first, treating me. Taking risk isn't also fun or easy, and yes it does come with disappointment, but if we continue to stay stuck in our ruts, we will never see anything new. Now I am not saying that I will give up my matchmaking completely, but maybe I should pursue the nice guy that I like for myself, instead of passing him off on my friend because I feel that I am not worthy. I vow that I will no longer speak to my friend on the behalf of another male, i.e. "Aye, let me get at your girl". I am sure that I will quickly be labeled as the ugly, fat, bitter friend. It's okay, nothing new,but I think that us fatties need to stick up for ourselves. Most of the guys that date my friends have secret crushes on me anyways. How do I know this you may ask? They eventually tell me. Its unfortunate that they are too scared to pursue me in the beginning. If you aren't a fatty and you want to understand my life, picture me as Queen Latifah in "Just Wright" except for I don't get Common at the end of the movie. No Hollywood endings over here. Instead I clean up all the pieces. My best friend is crying on my shoulder, while Common is blowing up my phone, saying how much he wants her back and he forgives her for leaving him in his time of need. Oh yea, I also get a little pat on the back for being there the whole time while he was hurting. Ain't that bout a bitch.
That's how real life goes, and yes its sad. It doesn't make much for a blockbuster hit, but its real. I hope that others can learn to change things in their lives. The first step to getting over an addiction, is admitting that you have a problem.
Until we meet again,
Tiffany
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Just Friends
I have mentioned how I have a lot of beautiful friends, female ones, but honestly I have a lot of good looking guy friends as well. I am really a guys girl. Guys love being my friend. I love sports, guy talk, I deal well with vulgarity, and they feel comfortable telling me anything and everything. Sometimes I even think like a guy, and I think that is what attracts men to me, but not in a romantic way, its like I have several "bromances" but I am not a bro. Most of my friends of the opposite sex, I was attracted to in the beginning. When a man is good looking, and wants to spend lots of time with you, its hard not to be attracted to them. But its pretty easy for me to find out when they are "just friends" and not interested in more.
There are several signs that get to me to this assumption. It starts with not trying anything after several times of hanging out. Hanging out all the time, but not going out is another sign, although I was taken on a date with one of my good friends, before we were good friends. The tell to be 100% sure that a guy isn't interested in me is when he asks about one of my friends. This happens quite frequently, sometimes it makes me feel as if he is using to get to my friends, but to prevent to sounding upset or bitter or revealing my discomfort and true feelings, of course I entertain it. My entertaining of this, is yet another topic.
Because I have encountered this same relationship with men several times, I find myself expecting it to occur. If I don't get the "interested in you more than friends vibe" I tend to immediately put him in the "friend zone". I know that others of you have done this as well. It is self- sabatoge. I won't lie, I am scared to be rejected just like the anyone else, and having a slight attraction or crush on someone then finding out they really want to be with any of your friends, well is quite disheartening. I guess that's why its called a "crush". I am not going to sit here and say that men are rude ( even then a lot of them are) but if you are approaching a woman you do not know to ask about her friend, you are a pussy. Excuse my French, but please grow some cajonas and approach her yourself.
I love being the friend, and I love spending time with men, but it would be nice to spend time with a man that wants to have good conversation with me, and maybe a little something more. We can still talk about sports and watch ESPN, but maybe negate the sexual stories from last weekend. I am afraid that I am going to put someone that actually wants me as more than a friend in the friend zone and ruin a potential relationship. But am I willing to be vulnerable only to find out he is just another man in pursuit of my bff? I am not so sure.
Don't self sabotage your relationships!
Tiffany
There are several signs that get to me to this assumption. It starts with not trying anything after several times of hanging out. Hanging out all the time, but not going out is another sign, although I was taken on a date with one of my good friends, before we were good friends. The tell to be 100% sure that a guy isn't interested in me is when he asks about one of my friends. This happens quite frequently, sometimes it makes me feel as if he is using to get to my friends, but to prevent to sounding upset or bitter or revealing my discomfort and true feelings, of course I entertain it. My entertaining of this, is yet another topic.
Because I have encountered this same relationship with men several times, I find myself expecting it to occur. If I don't get the "interested in you more than friends vibe" I tend to immediately put him in the "friend zone". I know that others of you have done this as well. It is self- sabatoge. I won't lie, I am scared to be rejected just like the anyone else, and having a slight attraction or crush on someone then finding out they really want to be with any of your friends, well is quite disheartening. I guess that's why its called a "crush". I am not going to sit here and say that men are rude ( even then a lot of them are) but if you are approaching a woman you do not know to ask about her friend, you are a pussy. Excuse my French, but please grow some cajonas and approach her yourself.
I love being the friend, and I love spending time with men, but it would be nice to spend time with a man that wants to have good conversation with me, and maybe a little something more. We can still talk about sports and watch ESPN, but maybe negate the sexual stories from last weekend. I am afraid that I am going to put someone that actually wants me as more than a friend in the friend zone and ruin a potential relationship. But am I willing to be vulnerable only to find out he is just another man in pursuit of my bff? I am not so sure.
Don't self sabotage your relationships!
Tiffany
I'm Back
To all my followers, I apologize that I haven't not been posting so frequently. I will say that the last couple of weeks have been crazy, but I am also happy to say that I am finally a college graduate! I am living at home with my parents for the next couple of weeks, I thought that it would be hell, but I actually enjoy it. I stay up all evening, sleep all day, and my mother calls me when food is on the table. I am my father's personal chauffeur to the hospital and chemotherapy, but I don't mind. I don't have to pay for a damn thing and I love it, but I do know it is short lived, and soon I will be all on my own. Anyways, my weight loss is kind of at a stand still, but I just started back up to the routine. I like routines and schedules, they always enable me to eat right and eat less. When I am working and busy, I tend not to think about food, its the times like these when I am not doing anything that I get bored, sad, and eat eat eat! I hope that all of those that are trying to eat better are finding ways to work it into your daily routine. Remember exercise makes a huge difference, and you will start to feel better instantly with some daily workouts. I know I do!
God Bless,
Tiffany
God Bless,
Tiffany
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