That BIG Number

The last 30 + days have been tough! But every drop of sweat, every mile, and every shake of the head to chocolate, hot fries, and alcohol have been worth it. Since January 1, I have lost a total of 18 lbs! Although this amount of weight is not life changing, it is what I needed to get my mind right. Just like with my students, I need to see some success in order to feel more motivated and visualize my ultimate goal. Before I started back on my weight loss track, I had decided to opt for a reasonable goal weight of 175 lbs. The smallest I have ever been in around 180, and that was back in 2006. I loved the way that I looked at the time, so I thought it was a good goal to set. 

I started looking at some old  pictures of myself back in 2006, and I noticed that I wasn't as small as I thought that I was. I carry a lot of weight around my midsection, which is the worst. Although my face was smaller, and my collar bones were showing, there was clearly more weight that could be lost. 

That same week I had a conversation with my trainer about my goals. He proceeded to tell me that he thought I would lose more weight than any of his other clients because of my hard work and dedication outside of the gym. Knowing that one of the girls I work out with has lost 80 lbs, and she reset her goal to 100 lbs, I looked at him like he had three eyes! How am I going to lose 100 lbs? I don't need to lose 100 lbs! I can't lose 100 lbs! These were all the thoughts that were going through my head as I stood there staring at him with my mouth gaped in silence. 

With the input of another trainer that was in the gym, my thoughts about what my body could look like, and Rylen's advice, I had set my new goal weight to 150 lbs. I'm not going to say that I am not still completely daunted by the idea of losing a total weight of 104 lbs, but I am ready to do whatever it takes to get there. Since I have lost a total of 44 lbs, I am almost half-way there. 

Like many people, I feel that my mind was preventing me to reach my goals. It is one thing to lose weight, so that you look like you used to look, however, thinking about a goal weight that you have never seen on your body is scary. My issue wasn't looking too skinny, or not being happy at my goal weight, please. My issue was the fear of failing, or even worse, not being able to recognize my self at my goal weight. I have no idea what I will look like at 150 lbs, because I have never been 150 lbs. It still scares me now as I talk about it. What I do know is that I want to be healthy, I want to be the best Tiffany that I can be. As I approach the last milestone birthday that doesn't make me feel old, I want to be in better shape at 25 than I was at 18, and I can say that I am on my way. 

Last week I was able to bench 135 lbs , I haven't been able to do that since high school. I am running 10 miles a week in preparation for a 5k, which I have never done, and I can do things that I have never done. All of these things motivate me to be a  better me and never look back. No cookie, chip, or burger can tempt me enough to get  off the track that I am currently on. Honestly, I get excited to get to the gym, sweat it out, and go home exhausted. I get even more excited when I step on that scale and see a  lower number. 

I will continue to update you all monthly on my progress! 

Your fellow fatty ( hopefully not much longer), 

Tiffany