An End and a New Beginning

As 2012 comes to a close, I take the opportunity to reflect on the past year and all that I have accomplished. In December 2012, I decided that enough was enough. I told myself that I was going to get this weight off no matter what it took. I set a goal of 45 lbs and I created a plan. I hired and trainer and changed my eating habits. I exceeded my goal and lost more than 50 lbs. The road wasn't easy, and I didn't always eat the right thing or workout as much as I should have, otherwise I would be sitting here in a bikini posting pictures of my abs on instagram. Instead I'm in my sports bra and basketball shorts resting from my yoga practice while drafting my goals for 2013.

Before I give you all the list for next year, I want to tell you all the things that I learned from this past year as it relates to my weight loss journey.

1. Goal setting is important 

Long term goals are great when they are realistic and paired with a plan. I also found that small mini goals each month or week really helped me stay focused, and make a big task seem much more reasonable.

2. Share your journey

Studies show that those that share their goals with others, including on social media, are more likely to accomplish them. This holds you accountable. When I was heavy into my weight loss, I was constantly tweeting, blogging, and posting pictures of my workouts. Not only did this show people what I was doing, it inspired others. When I realized how many people were reading my blogs and rooting me on to succeed, I didn't want to let them down. It kept me motivated. ( I plan to continue this in 2013)

3. Do it for yourself 

I started this blog in 2009 or 2010. It is almost 2013. It took me years to realize that I had to want to lose weight for myself, not anyone else. Of course the male attention I get now is great, but I didn't decide to lose weight because of it. I wanted to be healthy and I wanted to make a lifestyle change.

Which leads me to my last lesson...

4. Make a lifestyle change 

Dieting and exercise are great, but fad diets and attending some Zumba classes just isn't enough. You have to make a lifestyle change. This is something that I am still working on. I will talk about this a little later in my new goals.


Now for 2013. I am dedicating this year to discipline. I saw success in 2012, but I didn't discipline myself to the level at which I needed to. I really want to go to some more extreme measures to create a lifestyle change. I know people that make exercise a part of their regular routine and do not miss it. They think of exercise like sleep and eating, and that's what I want my life to look like.

1. 30-20-6

I still have 30 more lbs to lose in order to meet my goal of 20 percent body fat. At this weight, I should be in a size 6 jeans. The thought of single digits brings joy to my heart.

2. Complete the Tough Mudder

This isn't your average marathon. It is a military style race with obstacles, mud, water, and fire. Yes I said fire. I am going to be competing with my trainer and a group of other fitness gurus so I need to start training ASAP. I might just be the only female in the group.

Visit toughmudder.com to see what I will be getting into.

3. Transition into vegan

As most of you know I gave up meat 2 years ago and it has really changed my life and helped me in this journey. I felt as if I really wanted to discipline myself I needed to go completely vegan. Now I already avoid dairy since I am lactose intolerant, but I still eat yogurt and eggs. Being vegan will help my with my sweet tooth cravings. No more cookies or cake. :(

4. No alcohol

This might be the toughest goal of them all. If you know me, you know I like a stiff drink, or a brew during the game. Honestly, there is nothing positive about alcohol. It has empty calories with no nutritional value. It slows down your metabolism and I also crave some unhealthy foods after a night of drinking. Plus, being hungover or sluggish makes it very difficult to hit the gym the next morning.


I understand that my last two goals are more like my plan to get to my actual #1 goal, but I felt the need to list them anyways. I can now be held accountable for 2013. If you see me, please feel free to ask me about my goals and how they are going. I hope that you set some attainable goals for 2013 in health and fitness as well.


Tiffany

The Woman in the Mirror

Think Wednesday. Hump day. The middle of the week, possibly the second worst day of the week besides Monday morning.You're half way up the hill. It's mile 10, and you have to get past it in order to finish the race. That's where I am at in my weight loss journey. It's Wednesday I am half way there and I just need a 5 hour energy shot to get through the day. I am officially down 61 lbs and I feel better than ever. I have been putting in work in the gym, eating healthy with minimal cheats, and the results have been showing. I have 45 lbs left to lose, which compared to 100 seems like a breeze. I will say that I still face everyday challenges. Body image has been an extreme issue for me from day 1.

When I first started losing the weight I was able to see it in my face and neck and I felt like I was making a lot of progress. But as soon as I got used to the way that I looked, I started to feel fat all over again. People continue to tell me that I look smaller, and of course my clothes are too big, but I continue to view myself as something that I am not. I critically analyze every photo taken of me making excuses for the way that I look,  "I just look small because of the angle" "I'm just photogenic" instead of congratulating myself for my huge accomplishments. I think the real issue has to do with the fact that I am still not at the smallest I have ever been. I know that I still have a ways to go and I am anxious to be at my goal weight. The journey is not always as fun as we wish it to be. Don't get me wrong, I love working out now, and the gym is my new habitat, but I don't like suppressing my mouth-watering temptations to have cheese, chocolate and hot fries. I understand now that anything that I really want is going to take more sacrifice than I ever imagined. I am not only sacrificing food and time to exercise, but I am also sacrificing things that bring stress into my life, other people's opinions of what I should do, and I am only focusing on myself. 

As my reflection in the mirror evolves everyday so does my self-esteem. With every step on the treadmill and bead of sweat that falls from my forehead, I am getting closer and closer to my physical goals. With every look in the mirror, I am getting closer and closer to being happy just being me, if I am 250 lbs or 150 lbs. This experience has taught me that my physical body doesn't have to be perfect, and that my personality, heart, and love for life is really what people find the most attractive. I hope that anyone that reads this can really take that in. In order to get the outside looking right, you must first work on the inside! 

Recently I had a conversation with an ex. We were discussing my recent weight-loss and my future weight-loss goals. He thought it was a little ridiculous that I wanted to lose 105 lbs, which frustrated me. I always felt that he had a larger problem with my...well...largeness. When we talked about this, he responded with, " I didn't care if you were 250lbs or 150lbs. I didn't have an issue with your weight. I had an issue, that YOU had an issue with your weight." If I had heard this 3 years ago, I would have thought that he was lying, made excuses for myself, and continued my destructive behavior. At this point in time I felt like that statement was a revelation for me. I get it, and I feel guilty about it. There have been so many wasted years of my life that were focused on what I did not have, what I did not look like, that I pushed everything that was good away from me. I was a bucket of toxic waste. Who wants to be with that? Now with that understanding I am able to pick up the mirror and really take a good look at myself. I am able to see my worth. My worth is not defined by my jean size, my hair length, or height. My worth comes from how I treat people, my intelligence, my love towards others. Who I am will always trump what I look like, and my healthy inside will exude from my pores. 

Today, take a look in the mirror and love what you see. 

Tiffany 

Mind Your Business

Well ladies and gentlemen, I have finally reached my my half way point and have lost a total of 50 lbs. Now, most people would say that it wasn't easy, but in all actuality it hasn't been that difficult, and I am going to tell you why.

For the last month I have been seeing my body transform, my clothes fall off, and my physical endurance increase, and it has made me really think about all the work that I put in. When I am in the gym, I go hard. As I have said before, I am extremely competitive and I always have been. Competition is part of my motivation, but most of the time I don't have anyone to compete with besides myself. The reason that I don't quit, and I work so hard when I am in the gym is because of my mental toughness. Over the last 9 months, I have not only been trying to get myself physically fit, but also mentally fit. 

What I realized was that my mental state determined my physical state. Let me break it down for you. When I was constantly telling myself that I wasn't good enough, that I was too fat to do certain exercises, and that I would always be fat, I stayed fat.Obviously I couldn't do anything that I thought that I couldn't do. I was depressing. Not only was I preventing myself from being the best Tiffany that I could be I am sure that I was making the people around me miserable. Now that I have a new perspective I see how annoying people that are self-loathing and sad really are. Not to mention that depressing ish is contagious. I realized that I was parasite to the people that I was around, and as I started to change my attitude for other areas in my life, I also started to see a change in my attitude and performance in the gym. I give 100% every day. Well, except for two days before my period. 

With my new positive attitude, and ingrained competitor nothing can stop me. Seriously nothing. I tell my trainer that I want to go harder, and I give him suggestions for workouts. When everyone else leaves the gym, I stay. I started running in December in hopes to complete a 5k. On Tuesday I ran with Black Girls Run, a running group black girls that run around the city, for the first time. When I run, I usually just run until I can't run any longer. I rarely know the exact distance, and I don't time myself ever. It's just me, the road, and my Jeezy pandora station. But on Tuesday I decided to put on a timer since I was officially running a 5k route. I ran it in 30 mins, was at the head of the group and over heard some seasoned runners say that was their best time. On the inside I was yelling "I'm a boss!" When I say your mind controls everything, it does! I was the largest of all the girls that I finished with. I realized that my size does not prevent me from doing anything. I can compete with girls half my size and win. Talk about satisfaction! 

My success is all attributed to my change of mindset. Do not let your emotions control your behavior. I still feel loneliness, frustration, and sadness, but I do not let those emotions control me. I deal with them, then I let them go and keep it moving. I try to challenge myself everyday in some new way. In order to see real results, faster than ever you need to mind your business, meaning, focus on your goals. Keep them in sight at all times. Inspire yourself so that you do not lose track of what you are reaching for. This isn't just about weight loss, this can be applied to any goal that is set. I have reminders of my goals in many places in my house. I have a goal book by my bed, old picture with small weight loss check points in my closet, exercise reminders on my mirror, and when I feel like eating something I shouldn't I take a look at my fitness board on Pinterest and change my mind. 

For all of my readers, I hope that you can take away something from this post. I really want to inspire those of you that are struggling with negative emotions that tell you that you can't accomplish your goals. I understand that I could cliche, but you can! Get your mind right, get off your butt, and get going! 

Your fellow fatty, 

Tiffany 

That BIG Number

The last 30 + days have been tough! But every drop of sweat, every mile, and every shake of the head to chocolate, hot fries, and alcohol have been worth it. Since January 1, I have lost a total of 18 lbs! Although this amount of weight is not life changing, it is what I needed to get my mind right. Just like with my students, I need to see some success in order to feel more motivated and visualize my ultimate goal. Before I started back on my weight loss track, I had decided to opt for a reasonable goal weight of 175 lbs. The smallest I have ever been in around 180, and that was back in 2006. I loved the way that I looked at the time, so I thought it was a good goal to set. 

I started looking at some old  pictures of myself back in 2006, and I noticed that I wasn't as small as I thought that I was. I carry a lot of weight around my midsection, which is the worst. Although my face was smaller, and my collar bones were showing, there was clearly more weight that could be lost. 

That same week I had a conversation with my trainer about my goals. He proceeded to tell me that he thought I would lose more weight than any of his other clients because of my hard work and dedication outside of the gym. Knowing that one of the girls I work out with has lost 80 lbs, and she reset her goal to 100 lbs, I looked at him like he had three eyes! How am I going to lose 100 lbs? I don't need to lose 100 lbs! I can't lose 100 lbs! These were all the thoughts that were going through my head as I stood there staring at him with my mouth gaped in silence. 

With the input of another trainer that was in the gym, my thoughts about what my body could look like, and Rylen's advice, I had set my new goal weight to 150 lbs. I'm not going to say that I am not still completely daunted by the idea of losing a total weight of 104 lbs, but I am ready to do whatever it takes to get there. Since I have lost a total of 44 lbs, I am almost half-way there. 

Like many people, I feel that my mind was preventing me to reach my goals. It is one thing to lose weight, so that you look like you used to look, however, thinking about a goal weight that you have never seen on your body is scary. My issue wasn't looking too skinny, or not being happy at my goal weight, please. My issue was the fear of failing, or even worse, not being able to recognize my self at my goal weight. I have no idea what I will look like at 150 lbs, because I have never been 150 lbs. It still scares me now as I talk about it. What I do know is that I want to be healthy, I want to be the best Tiffany that I can be. As I approach the last milestone birthday that doesn't make me feel old, I want to be in better shape at 25 than I was at 18, and I can say that I am on my way. 

Last week I was able to bench 135 lbs , I haven't been able to do that since high school. I am running 10 miles a week in preparation for a 5k, which I have never done, and I can do things that I have never done. All of these things motivate me to be a  better me and never look back. No cookie, chip, or burger can tempt me enough to get  off the track that I am currently on. Honestly, I get excited to get to the gym, sweat it out, and go home exhausted. I get even more excited when I step on that scale and see a  lower number. 

I will continue to update you all monthly on my progress! 

Your fellow fatty ( hopefully not much longer), 

Tiffany  

Fitness Bucket List: 2012

I wanted to create some fitness goals for 2012. These are things that I have always wanted to do, but I was either too scared, or too fat to accomplish.

- Run a 5k race
-Complete a Body Rock series bodyrock.tv
-Hike/run stone mountain
-Run a sub 8 minute mile
-Do 25 push-ups with out stopping
-Go to a hot yoga class
-Take a Ballet bar work class


I am currently training for a 5k I will be running with friends in February. My hate for running continues.

I danced for ten years, so I have taken hundreds of bar work classes, but its been years ago. I want to do it again.

I love doing yoga, and I heard hot yoga is just a sweaty mess. My kind of class!

Doing 25 push-ups will make me feel like a bad-ass. I think being strong is sexy.

If you haven't watched the body rock interval training on bodyrock.tv do it! These girls are serious about their workouts and abs. The workouts are only 12 mins, but they are literally the hardest 12 mins of your life. I would like to complete one without stopping.

I have lived in Atlanta for 2 years and I still haven't been to stone mountain. I've always wanted to feel like I am in LA hiking up a mountain with all the healthy skinny people.

My personal best mile time was like 7:25 when I was in high school. I am ready to not only get back to my high school weight, but also level of fitness!

What are your fitness goals this year?

The Biggest Loser

There is nothing sweeter than watching morbidly obese people run, sweat, and cry as they quickly drop hundreds of pounds on national television. I've always wanted to be on the show. I would tell myself "If only I was fatter!" I know it sounds crazy, but I would love to leave reality and be stuck on a fat farm with a trainer, healthy food, and a scale. What a perfect environment to lose the all the weight I need! Unfortunately, the reality is I live in a world filled with Reese's Cups, chocolate milkshakes, and Swedish Fish. A world that endorses laziness & over-consumption, but will publicly scrutinize you when you are fat. A world where pizza is a vegetable and models are fired if they are a size 4.

As the contradictions continue, I will continue to fight the good fight with my weight loss by doing it the right way. No fad diets, no diet pills, no short cuts. Weight loss is simple. Calories in and Calories out.

Good diet + adequate exercise = weight loss.

Easy right? Well not-so-much. But I am willing to take the challenge. I have spend the last ten years of my life educating myself on health, food, and my body. Now that I finally understand what it takes, I am finally able to be successful at keeping the weight off. I will not be counting calories, but I have been writing down everything that I eat to make sure that I am eating 6 times a day to keep my non-existent metabolism and high is it can go. I don't eat dairy, meat, bad carbs (white rice, white grains, pasta). I limit my sugars to fruit, and the occasional piece of dark chocolate. The only beverages I drink are 100 oz of water a day, green tea and my daily cup of black coffee. And most of all I highly enjoy steamed vegetables! For most people these changes may seem extreme, but the last year I have spent refining my diet in order to develop a healthy lifestyle. I want to make it clear that I am not dieting. This is how I eat everyday, and how I
 plan to eat for the rest of my life. I no longer want to put processed foods, high sugars, and toxins into my body. The key to keeping the weight off is changing your lifestyle.

Now to the good stuff. Exercise. I hate cardio. Let me say it again. I hate running. But, I know that in order to create the body that I have always wanted, I am going to have to drop the dumbbells and run. There are a lot of people that start running, find their zone, and start to love it. They use it as an outlet and release all of their negative energies... blah blah blah. That is NOT me. Whenever I run I repeat in my head "you will not die from running. You will not die from running." So I continue to work with my trainer 3 times a week, run 2 miles on my off days, and do yoga and strength training.

I have a love/hate relationship with my trainer. I love him because when I am working out I hate him. On Saturday I thought that I was going to die. These are the moments when I am so sweaty that I know my fat is crying as it sees its death ahead. The one exercise that I hate is burpees. I didn't think there was anything worse than burpees, but I was wrong. Try burpees with a 15 lb medicine ball. Pretty much death. I believe that if you don't hate your trainer at least once a week, that you need to get a new trainer.

 I was asked to participate with 12 other women in a weight loss competition and  I couldn't say no. I love competition. I have been an athlete my entire life, and without joy of competition, I tend to compete at everything else: taboo, who can get to the car first, etc. This will be the opportunity to win some money, while I hold myself accountable to my goals.

I hope that in your new year, you have also set some healthy goals for your new lifestyle.


Stay inspired fellow fatties.

 Food Journal

Death: Medicine ball throw downs