I have recently lost 35 lbs. I wish I could be excited, but honestly, I have lost much more. My father. I have spent the last 7 years dealing with my father's illness, remission, and the sudden return of his cancer. Two months ago he passed away. I would be lying if I wasn't devastated, but I am still am. This is the main reason that I have been M.I.A. I find it hard to write directly after mourning. My thoughts are everywhere and it takes time for me to sort them out and get myself together. But I am back, and since I have not been writing at all, I have a lot to say. Nothing out of the usual.
Now back to this weight loss. The recent loss of my father gave me a wake up call on the reality of my situation. Life is very short. No moment is promised. I know that these are all sayings that we hear constantly and they have become a little more than cliche, but as I watched my father take his last breath, and I felt the life leave him as I was holding his hand, I had more than an epiphany.
My father had been big his whole life. I never saw him thin until his last days. I have never been thin either. Some would blame it on bad genes, but I blame it on bad habits. There were many times that my father was told to lose weight, and he attempted to. He never kept it off. I don't think that his weight was to blame for his death, but his weight did affect the quality of life that he did have before he died.
This makes me think about my own quality of life. No doubt I enjoy the life that I am living, but I begin to think about all the things that I don't enjoy in life because of my weight: clothing shopping, pool parties, vacations on the beach, dating, going out, etc. I have stated before that my weight has affected every aspect of my life and that is very true. I know that it sounds silly, but if you have never experienced issues with weight, you may not understand.
The issue of my weight has become even more vital. I want to live a healthy life. I have changed my life style. I slip up just like everyone else, but I have to understand that my issues with food are like those of an addict and I have to treat my disease. I am fighting a battle everyday, and unlike a lot of other people, my battle will never stop. An alcoholic is always an alcoholic, and I will also have an eating disorder, I am just trying to stay sober out here.
Mentally I have changed my game. I am currently on spring break, and I am doing two-a-day workouts all week. Interval training, training for an upcoming 5k, and kickboxing. I have really started to enjoy working out again. It is difficult because I have been doing everything alone, and I don't have the support like I did when I was back in high school, but I am pressing on through that as well.
I finally decided to show you all some before and in progress pictures. I don't want to say after, because my journey is far from over. I still have 50 more pounds to lose!
I stumbled upon these pictures on my mom's camera from the end of July. I was at my grandmother's house. I never realized how big I really was until now.
